The Simon and Garfunkel song, Bridge over Troubled Water, has floated in and out of my mind much lately; the word, “weary,” striking a particular chord. I realize this is one of my comforting songs. I have been watching my own resistance to what is happening. I hear my mind still asking, “Wait a minute, why do I have to deal with more disruptions to my peaceful, chillax kind of way?” What happened to all the ease I have come to expect?
I am bit surprised I don’t recognize all of the recent challenges as set-ups (in the spirit of the Presence Process). When life starts bombing us with emotional triggers, our best defense is to welcome them. Accept them as gifts. See them as the means for processing old suppressions, releasing stagnant emotions, making space for new lighter energy.
I am not sure if it’s the disruptions to my regular workflow or the systems I have in place to help manage our family’s dynamic schedule. Maybe it’s both. This week saw it’s fair share of new curves. Surgery is on. The wrist hasn’t healed as they had hoped. I am genuinely surprised when the doctor brings it up. I somehow convinced myself we were out of that forest. Not only is it happening but apparently a bit tricky given the multiple injuries. We showed up for the scheduled pre-op exam only to find out it had been rescheduled, only they forgot to call. I am not loving pulling her out of school. This type of mistake is understandable but feels egregious after leaving super early to avoid sitting in morning traffic.
My car is totaled for sure. I can’t seem to get the insurance appraiser to call us 2 weeks after the fact to get a buyout amount. I am still renting my hot Chevy Cruze, an out of pocket expense because I didn’t buy car rental insurance. I am not sure they had it when I took out my first policy 20 years ago. I just keep renewing the same one each year, the one I thought had maximum coverage. I shouldn’t forget to mention the driver has not admitted fault even though he totaled my car. My Dad’s car, coincidentally, was hit and totaled on the same day and has the same insurance plan (because I referred him). He has already received a check from our insurance company. I say this fully recognizing none of these issues are life or death or even close.
Some times life serves up a bunch of poop pie. I think I’ve had enough slices for while. I am not sure I should even say that given there might be a poop cake just behind the pie waiting for me to dig in. Some times there are rough patches. My chosen strategy these few weeks is to meet them head on, even when I don’t feel like it. I set aside time to feel the conflicted feelings. I allow the frustration, anger, resentment, uncertainty, fear and mixed bag of discomfort to come up. I feel them with as much presence and compassion as I can. I try to be mindful not to unload on my husband and children. Who wouldn’t want to offload these feelings? I am definitely feeling tired, something only sleep can mend. Great, unexpected things also happened this week. They are just a bit trumped by the other, less sunny items.
I can’t thank my parents and friends enough for sending the quick, “how’s it going over there” notes. (Even though they know) I am choosing this blog to vent a bit, as I don’t want to bore anyone with these moderately petty complaints. I am grateful for children who lovingly recommend I get into bed early. I have been both crabby and temperamental. The sooner I stop resisting what is happening, the easier on everybody. I just need to stop wishing things would go back to a time and place, that no longer exists. I am ripe from all of the buttons being pushed. It’s time to let go.